i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
