This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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