Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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