Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
