im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
