he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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