Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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