We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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