If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
