It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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