were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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