I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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