The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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