don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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