Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
