This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there was a trapeze. enough said
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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