my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize