He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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