We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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