How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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