i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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