I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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