it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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