And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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