I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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