I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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