official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
