Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
