so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
