If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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