u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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