The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
