I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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