The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
