trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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