it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
