Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
