you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
