REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
