3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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