My Higher Power is John Stamos
handjob tips. give me some.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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