My room smells like vodka and shame
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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