I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
