i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
