you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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