We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
