Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
