Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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