her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
