yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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