I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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