Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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