They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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