im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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