Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
