Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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