She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
