it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
