idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
