I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
