True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
