The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
