What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
