I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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