I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
