Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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