not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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