I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
