I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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