did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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