my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
