Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
