Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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