Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
