The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
