Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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