She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
