Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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