If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
