Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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