I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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