At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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