Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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