I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
