ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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