fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
