i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
